Piglets in Space
by Kadunta
Summary: Reupload. The involuntary international TV celebrity P-chan saves a starship.


_Ranma 1/2 was created by Rumiko Takahashi; The Muppets by Jim Henson (company). I have no rights to either series or their characters, and there's no way I get any monetary compensation for writing this._

* * *

Akane sat down on the floor before the television, firmly hugging her P-chan. A true rarity in itself, the pig was feeling good about himself. Just a few days before Akane found him at the Tendo house he had singlehandedly saved a spaceship from destruction. He-not Ranma, but he-had been the hero! This thought had been looping in his head for hours now, leaving him so far out of it that he didn't even notice how Akane shifted him closer to her bosom.

Ranma was sitting nearby, glowering at P-chan. Bound by his word, he couldn't reveal P-chan's true identity. But at the very least he could keep Ryoga from doing anything to his fiancée. Even if it meant sitting still and watching television.

With a flick of the remote Akane turned on the television to show an American comedy show. But slowly, as the real world slowly dawned to Ryoga, the goofy grin on his porcine face turned into a gaze of abject horror as he realized what he was seeing on the television.

* * *

The crew of USS Swinetrek was in peril. No, this was much worse than a misplaced pirate, or the lack of clean clothing. Indeed, the nightmare of the crew pulling all nighters had arrived: Mr Coffee had broken down.

"This is no good! We need the coffee lest we fall asleep!" Captain Hogthrob gravely stated, smacking the command console with his fist.

"Und if ve did, ze ship vould fall into zat red black hole," Dr Julius Strangepork continued, furiously typing into his data pad, only stopping to yawn every twenty seconds.

"Oh! What can we possibly do!" the First Mate, maybe better known as Miss Piggy, exclaimed, her long eyelashes fluttering enticingly.

But before the dear doctor could continue his ranting on the dangers of nonexistent chromatoms, a loud and high sound announced the arrival of a special guest star.

"BWEE!"

Unconcerned by the crewmembers attempting to fight off sleep, a potbellied black piglet walked onto the command deck, dragging a huge backpack and a bamboo umbrella with him.

"Bwee? Bwee-bwee? BWEEEEE!"

Captain Hogthrob and Miss Piggy wondered exactly what the pig was doing there and how it had gotten inside the stage. Under normal circumstances the security would keep all unwelcome personnel away, but... did one more pig count?

* * *

"P-chan? You're a TV star?" Akane asked the pig incredulously. P-chan shivered, which only made Akane unconsciously hold her tighter to her chest. Oh, how proud she was! A genuine TV celebrity!

Ranma, who had noticed how nervous the pig was, understood that something was going to happen to the pig in the television. Something that made the pig very anxious, and it wasn't his close proximity to Akane. At least the porker hadn't started glaring at him... which was a welcome change to the norm.

The piglet turned his face to Ranma, a desperate and pleading look on his face.

Change to the norm-bah, this belonged to the Twilight Zone!

* * *

As the show was practically aired live in the US, the crew could only improvise with their newest crewmember. The small, but quite clearly very smart pig kept nodding as he was given a brief explanation of the danger of the broken coffee vending machine.

With a snort, the pig walked over to the machine and gave it a forceful nudge. He had seen his father-when they had both happened to be at their home at the same time-hit various appliances, such as fridges, televisions and so on whenever they didn't work. However, this time the nudge only sent hot water spraying all over him.

* * *

Akane, who had turned around to call for her sisters to come see their latest TV celebrity perform, turned back to the television just in time to see Ryoga stand up from the ground.

"Ryoga was there with you, too?" Akane's question to P-chan made Ranma introduce his face to the floor.

"But... he's naked? On television? Is he also a pervert?"

The pig in Akane's hands wept bitter tears. What had been his greatest moment only a while back now condemned him to the fate of being a pervert in Akane's eyes. The world was indeed a dark and lonely place...

"Don't you worry, P-chan, I'll protect you from him, just like from all the other perverts," Akane said, before shooting a telling glare at Ranma and giving P-chan a reassuring squeeze.

"Hey, I didn't do nothing!"

* * *

The lead female held her aching fist to her chest. But how could socking that deviant hurt _her_ so much?

The problem with the coffee machine was solved as the now human Ryoga gave the machine another "gentle" tap, sending it crashing through the stage wall. And after he left the stage via the impromptu exit, he managed to bring back another Mr. Coffee from the corridor, miraculously without getting lost.

Naturally, the Lost Boy ignored the fact that outside the ship was a studio hallway instead of outer space. After all, it was far more likely for him to get conveniently lost twice in such a short span of time.

"It vorks! We're saved!" Dr. Strangepork exclaimed, as he took a deep swig of his cup of double espresso.

"It does? Quick, Miss Piggy, get me some coffee before I fall asleep!"

"You want _me_ to get _you_ coffee?"

"And hurry up, my leg is already asleep!"

"I. Am. Not! Your! Maid! _HAAAIYAH!_"

And with one mighty karate chop accompanying her statement, the proud captain of USS Swinetrek collapsed like a ragdoll. To her great displeasure, she had hit him with the same hand she had already swung at Ryoga... and which hurt now twice as much.

Even if Ryoga hadn't been in the firing lane of angry females as often as Ranma, he decided to make a strategic retreat until the red haze around the First Mate had vanished.

Suddenly, the Unryu pig farm was quite an attractive place to be... or the Tendo household. With that in mind, he turned tail and ran through the stage walls, leaving on the scene one hurt diva, cradling her aching fist, one pig with sideburns suffering and shuddering on caffeine high-three double espressos might've been a bit too much-and one unconscious hog on the floor.

The camera was still rolling as the aluminium foil and pieces of plywood around Ryoga's escape route fell to the ground. And outside the view, one green frog was wondering just how were they going to pay for the damages... let alone how he could keep out of Miss Piggy's sight until the worst of her mood had passed. Seeing Scooter approach with some paper sheets made his face twist like he had bitten a particularly sour lemon.

But by then Ryoga had already gotten lost, only to find himself at the Tendo house entrance in rain two days later.

* * *

"Don't see that happening every day," Statler commented on the balcony.

"No, just at least once every episode," Waldorf snorted back.

* * *

_**AN:** It's been well over a decade since I last saw The Muppet Show on TV... most of what I have here is from Wikipedia, so this is hardly as good as it could've been. This was previewed on RanmaFics dot Com and FukuFics dot Com forums._

_**Reupload note:** This was previously a part of Outtakes - a series of oneshots that never ended up getting more chapters. Looks like this wasn't the final uploaded version, though, since I had to add the part of Scooter again. Some other parts may be missing as well.  
_


End file.
